Don't become my client.

Being a dad is great fun. You can come out with cliche comments such as, "money doesn't grow on trees." You become frozen in time with technology and you now fall asleep on the couch with your mouth open. However, these joyous attributes do come with a price. You can start to get slightly porkier around your mid section. As a personal trainer, I was slightly surprised at this, but I think it is inevitable and here is why.

Sleep is massively affected when you become a dad. For most people, you burn a higher proportion of fat when you sleep than any other time of the day.

The proportion of macro nutrients changes. This is the level of proteins, fats and carbohydrates that you currently eat. Without knowing, you will most likely be consuming more fat, sugar and carbs than you did previously. How? You will be eating more food on the go for a quick burst of energy.

The amount of good quality protein will go down. Good sources of protein (free range chicken) tend to have more Omega 3. Omega 3 is useful for fat burning.

You may start to have an extra glass of wine to 'take the edge off' the day's activities. Over a week or month, it adds up. Especially if your body isn't burning fat as well as it used to.

You're getting older. Your body and metabolism is probably different to when you were in your early 20's. Different meaning you will get fatter, quicker.

Bad posture. Your core will weaken due to poor posture adopted when sitting, slouching and carrying your kids.

The thing is to not beat yourself up about it. Even elite level athletes have porky times of the year. The important thing is to recognise it as a temporary state. Once it becomes the norm, you will become one of my clients 5 years from now. This isn't just about vanity. It is also about overall health and also the health of your back. Most of the dads I speak to have back issues which are either caused by carrying kids or brought on by them.

Here is a quick guide to managing your dad belly.


Get a regular food shop which doesn't involve buying too much crisps and sweets. Think about it. You will most likely eat nearly everything you buy. If you or your partner stays or home, you will graze on anything that is quick and most likely sugary. Get your food delivered and plan some meals in advance. Start with a Sunday dinner, breakfasts, healthy snacks and a few main meals.

Don't eat cereals everyday. Start having a couple of boiled eggs, a few pieces of fruit and a small handful of nuts for breakfast.

Once a week have a late breakfast if your're not hungry. Sometimes your appetite will be off so if you have been doing the night shift or just don't feel like eating, don't.

Try to up the amount of fruit and vegetables you have. Your immune system will get run down quite quickly and you will pick up bugs very easily. Try to eat some green veg twice a day. Maybe even consider getting your blender out and making your own juices.

Keep your exercise sessions short. 20 minutes is enough at this stage. Circuits are ideal or a mixture of weights and cardio. Aim for something 3 times a week.

Keep the coffee and croissants to a minimum. Coffee + pastry = getting fat really quickly. The coffee shop phenomena is what fuels the health and fitness industry. As long as there are mums eating croissants and drinking coffee, gyms and trainers will always be in business.

The important thing is to have enough energy for your family, so busting your backside for hours in the gym or on the streets isn't wise in my opinion. So for the first 6 weeks, wear your dad belly with pride. Settle into a routine and start with some short sharp workouts. A word of caution though. Your partner will start to feel self conscious about her body shape changing so don't talk about your own training too much. Just get on with it and help out by doing some food planning. At least let her know if you will not be back for dinner. Remember, this is more than vanity. If your kids see you being healthy, they are most likely to be healthy themselves.

Have fun!

Don't tell mummy.

I remember the first time my wife left me with my son. Flapping was an understatement. I knew that I would figure things out eventually. What I didn't anticipate was how many little things that I wasn't aware of that only she knew. As in life, it is the little things that make a difference.

As far as I was concerned, mums didn't make mistakes. They get things right with military precision. They always know what is inside each bag and they have back up for any contingency. In fact, when my wife asked me to pack the bag, the size and weight difference between when she packs it and my packing told the story itself. Well, after being a SAHD for over a year, I have found out that it isn't as it appears. What they don't tell you is that they acquired this knowledge from trial and error. They even made some mistakes themselves and shared these stories with other mums. The feeling of being as useful as a dry wet wipe was all self-imposed! The bags I now pack for Isaac are much bigger and I now think about the 'what ifs'. However, along the way, I have had some 'don't tell mummy' moments. Here are mine, feel free to add to them.

- Forgot to pack nappies when taking him swimming and been too embarrassed to ask other mums for a spare one. So you stuff towels in the car seat and hope for the best.
- Misunderstood your wife's instructions and forgot to feed him in the evening.
- Dressed him in his pajamas during the day thinking they were just cool clothes.
- Been too traumatised to take him out so watched telly all day.
- Didn't pack his bag with essentials so when another mum asked where his bag was, you said you forgot it when actually you didn't know what she was talking about.
-Been so impressed with his throwing skills, you watched him throw things inside that he really shouldn't be throwing.
-Completely abandoned the 'routine' because it was too much hard work.
-Left him happily watching the washing machine instead of taking him out to the park.

As my wife doesn't yet know about all of these, I realise that I am digging my own grave as we speak. If this is to be my eulogy, it has been nice knowing your all!

Superman at the ready!

Before I had my son. Coming home was a pretty chilled out affair. It often involved relaxing for about 20 minutes while I processed the day. I would maybe read a book, watch a bit of telly, or chat with my wife. How things change! Now as soon as you walk through the door, I'm realising that you need to be superhero for your family and kids.

When I first became a dad, I didn't quite understand the concept of transforming into Superman as soon as you walk through the door. In fairness, as my son didn't move around that much, it was slightly easier. However, compare it to a few days ago where as soon as my key went in the door, I could hear the patter of little feet running to greet me. I then spent about 10 minutes going up and down the stairs with my son and his ball, then playing the kangaroo game, horsey game and finishing with running into daddy's groin as fast and hard as you can. Trust me as painful as it sounds, it is all good fun. My only wish is that like Superman, I was impervious to flying toys and the occasional headbutts from my son.

The point being is that it is another step down the selfless pathway that is in essence what parenthood is mainly about. Being tired isn't important and as you continue on your journey, you pay less attention to it. Your kids think you are a superhero and can't wait to see you. As soon as you step into your home, be ready to be Superman until they go to bed. Your kids have incredibly long memories about the games you play with them. The more you play them, the more you bond with them. Your partner on a good day welcomes the break and company. On a bad day, they are desperate for you to take over. It is important that you save something for your family and your kids. You don't want to see it as a task to play with your kids. As a good friend of mine said, "kids want presence, not more presents. "

Fun in the pool.

You may have heard in previous blogs that my Monday SAHD day starts with a swimming lesson. I use the word lesson, loosely as it involves 20 minutes of Issac clinging on to me for dear life. We finally worked out that he (just like his daddy) hates cold water. For several weeks now we have been wondering whether he is getting anything out of his swimming other than getting used to the water. I could do this in the bathtub instead.

However, for the first time, he seemed to enjoy himself. He threw the toys in the pool and wanted to get in. Initially, he was worried about the cold temperature (as was his daddy) but when he got used to the temperature, he splashed and made a few gestures with his hands which could have been mistaken for some kind kind of swimming stroke. I think the main difference is that he seems more like himself in the water and is able to try things, instead of looking like he is in a cocoon of fear.

The interesting thing though is the other mums talk to their kids in a way so that you hear their good intentions. "Kate, why aren't you doing the front crawl like I've asked you?" Well one reason is despite the obvious intelligence of our little ones, they are still wearing nappies. This suggests to me that we maybe they are still learning. A second reason is that they don't yet fully understand what we want them to do. I'm sure that I appear to not care about pushing my son. However, this is far from the case. As this is my area of expertise and my job, the important thing is to measure progression, not general ability, especially at this age. Well at any age. Each week he makes small improvements. All I need to do is to not project my issues/demands onto him. It was hard at the start to not be embarrassed when he doesn't do what the other kids are doing. However, once you accept that it's his journey and not yours, you soon get over it and let them enjoy the moment. At the end of the day, we are talking about a 19 month old!!

Cheer up grumpy pants

We had a birthday party bonanza last weekend. 1 on the Saturday and 1 on the Sunday. I was really looking forward to seeing friends that we hadn't seen for a while. The first was across London, which is a journey only a truly sadistic individual will enjoy. When we got there, the party had all the elements for a great day. However, I felt a certain level of discomfort which made me appear grumpy. The second was round the corner and I thought that the reduced travel time would allow me to relax more. It did to a certain extent yet I still at times felt the same level of discomfort and I think I have figured out why.

Firstly, it has nothing to do with the party or the hosts. They were both lovely parties. It is to do with my primary role for the day. As a dad, I have to some degree surrendered the desire to enjoy myself in an activity. I would never voluntarily suggest going to a party with my son. It just never enters my mind. So long as my son and wife are happy, then I am happy. I could be sitting on a bed of nails or having my chest waxed ( I'll tell you about that another time). If my son is giggling and my wife is happy, it was worth it. I used to see dads at parties and wonder why they were so miserable, but now I get it. They aren't there primarily to enjoy themselves whereas your partner or wife hopes they will enjoy some part of the day for themselves.

Here is another thing my wife pointed out. When she is out with our son and he gets fractious, the other mums are mostly understanding and they carry on with business. When a dad is out with his child and they start getting fractious, they want to pick their child up and run as far away as possible. I think I initially used think "aaahhh, I've broken him" during one of my son's 'moments'. One time I ran off in the middle of saying, "I need to tell you something really important." It is my instant reaction to remove my son from his current environment when he kicks off. I saw a couple of dads at one party slowly lose it which culminated in one saying to his son who was dressed like a lion, "for the last time stop roaring, we're going home."

Our friend experienced the same thing on Sunday. She could only relax when the cake and everything else had been done. So it isn't really a male thing. I just notice that more dads are like this as they probably don't socialise with other parents as much as mums do. So the next time you want to say "cheer up grumpy pants" to a dad, just remember that somewhere (sometimes very deep inside) he is having a good time.

Stabbed in the back.

Today was swimming/clinging day with Isaac. I'm getting used to the familiar faces at the pool. I'm getting even more familiar with the etiquette of not making conversation with women in her swimming costume. Unknown to me, a conversation should only last 2 levels. Question and answer. Never even dream of elaborating on what you have just said otherwise you will get the "i'm really not interested and I really have to go" look as the mum uses their child as an excuse to get away as if their child is playing with a samurai sword left by the pool side. I joke but I am guilty of this too.

So today I was determined to get there early. I am already known as the late dad and have decided to break the habit by getting there early. Isaac seemed to settle down more and there was the smallest improvement from last week. Even though he benefited from our better time keeping, I can't use him as my reasoning for wanting to be early. It was purely to prove to myself and the other mums that I can get there on time. I would say this is true for others too.

So all through the class I was humming "I was early " in the tune of Frere Jacques and karma decided to exact revenge while in the pool and I noticed that my locker key had come off. I looked around and couldn't see it. I knew it would be near as the kids hardly create a wake with their paddling and it is a shallow pool. The teacher noticed I was even less coordinated than usual and asked if I was ok. I said I dropped my key and another women said "Oh it's here. I noticed it earlier and......" I'm still waiting for the end of the sentence. At that point, the other mums glided away in perfect formation like a team of synchronised swimmers and left one of their own to explain her actions. I got the feeling that the other mums saw the key too and avoided it as if it were green kryptonite. Then she said "sorry, you'll have to go and get it. I don't want to get my hair wet." She moved back in line with the others and I picked it up with my foot. This was a mum who I and my wife knew before swimming. I thought at the very least she would stick together when times got tough. It was difficult to get changed with the knife still stuck in my back but at least I know where I stand now. I now know two things about mums at the pool. Firstly, It always bothered me how women appeared to look like they had suckers on the underside of their feet in the pool, while I was slipping all over the place. Now I know they were working furiously beneath the surface to prevent their hair from getting wet. Secondly, the changing room floor is so dry because mums don't shower after they swim as they don't want to get their hair wet.

Things only parents do.

This is a quick list of the strange behaviours I have adopted since becoming a parent. You may have your own. Feel free to add to the list.

1. Thought about or actually showered in the dark for fear of waking children.
2. Moved everything up out of your young child's reach so you now have a million things in one place.
3. Used a turkey baster to wedge a door shut. That's just me!
4. Scratched your clothes clean.
5. Been asked to repeat something you said, only to have forgotten it because you're tired.
6. Made lists to remind yourself to not forget something, then lose the note.
7. Only drink cold tea.
8. Eat standing up.
9. Get used to the smell of kid's poo.
10. Keep smelling kid's poo long after you have changed the nappy.
11. Overslept, making you late for work and thought it was totally worth it.
12. Laugh when your child sneezed in your face.
13. Know the characters to at least 3 kids shows.
14. Not showered until after 12.
15. Sometimes thinking about not showering as you think it takes up too much time.
16. Sitting down on the toilet and saying, " Aaaaaahhhhh"
17. Answered the door without makeup or barely clothed.
18. Either been punched in the boob or kicked in the crotch.
19. Watch a dvd in no less than 3 attempts.
20. Crept around the house as if it had been boobytrapped with IUDs.