I have spoken to as many women in the last year than probably I have in my entire life. Having a child seems to make it acceptable to just start talking to random people in the supermarket or the high street. Joey and Chandler borrowing Ross's baby springs to mind. However with this 'openness' to connect, comes a bizzare openness to criticise and compare which continually seems to baffle me.
I feel sorry for mums as they have to put up with this all the time. I'm not sure if It's a competitiveness or genuinely trying to help a fellow human being. Most of what is said is completely unecessary and in some cases rude. If a guy said it to another guy, It would get pretty ugly. Is this how women talk to each other? Anyway, here is a list of the main offenders and a comparison to an man saying it to his mate.
Comments about weight. There is a fascination about the birth weight which is mainly a female phenomena for obvious reasons. You want to make sure your garage is big enough for your car if you get my drift. However, the continual comments about your child's weight are just rude. Someone said, "i don't like skinny babies." Another said, "he's quite fat isn't he?" It's like saying to your best mate, "did you have a good Christmas fatty?"
Comments about hair. I'm quite precious about my son's hair. I feel that It's a defining feature of babies from mixed ethnic groups. So when someone asks if we are cutting his hair, I want to throw them like a javelin into ice cold water. Some have even said It's a shame we aren't cutting his hair. I can excuse cultural ignorance, but I would never dream of commenting on my friend's hair or his children's hair. "Martin, you're hair is getting a bit long isn't it? Shame you're not getting it cut." I'd expect to be wearing my dinner.
What your child wears. I'm not that into fashion, so I can't comment on dress sense. However, why would someone take time out of their day to tell you that your child's outfit doesn't match. Imagine me saying, "Hi Martin, what are those socks about?"
Baby development. It's hotter than the race to white house. People want to know if your child is talking, reading, jumping.....I make it up. I'll say he is already reciting poetry. The joke sometimes is taken well but mostly I'm a man who "is taking the micky". On a more serious note, how do you know the child hasn't got learning difficulties?
Is he a good boy? "No he isn't, I'm thinking of giving him back." Again, people will think I'm being pedantic. I don't care if he's good or bad. I'll love him either way. Also,are we labelling our kids a bit too early? It's mainly older people who say this. The same who still refer to me as 'coloured' or 'negroid' so I don't really take it too seriously.
I know people will say this is what everyone talks about so get over yourself. However, I have seen and spoken to women who don't like all these probing questions. Their child could be big for their age. They may have a problem eating so will be under weight. They may have learning difficulties. The mother may be suffering from depression..... My perspective is I just wouldn't ask because sometimes it is rude and quite insensitive. I also don't know why you want to know. Probably only 1 man has ever asked me one of these questions. Particularly weight. It doesn't bother me, as I have a thick skin, but I bet some mums get annoyed off with it. I wonder what would happen if the ladies got a different reaction? Some women are quite caring when they ask, but there are others who seem to want to compare. Or they are dying to say their child has already done what yours has done, or better. Ladies, you do a great job. Please stop comparing your child to mine. He's obviously better than yours because I'm his dad!
Wednesday, 18 April 2012
Wednesday, 11 April 2012
Fun with the potty.
I remember the days when we were house proud. We took our shoes off in our home and were rarely spilt anything on the floor. We are mostly like that now but a little incident has given us a different perspective.
My wife shouted to me to come upstairs quickly. Now with a child, when my wife says come quickly, my feet whizz round like a cartoon character and I bang into everything in my way, in anticipation of a life or death situation. When I finally got some traction and ran up the stairs, my wife had my naked son by his arms, and there was poo in the bathroom and in our bedroom. Now if someone had told me that I would have to deal with this as a dad, I would have chilled out more when I was house sharing!
Isaac did this for 2 consecutive days, so we decided some action was needed. Some people (mainly women who I spoke to) have an issue with a potty. They don't like the idea of it. To be honest, when you're dealing with poo, I'm not that excited either. However, Isaac is far too young to sit on the toilet and our immediate problem was preventing this becoming a regular occurence. So after 30 minutes in Mothercare debating which one was suitable, we finally decided on the Thomas potty.
Karen said as she wasn't keen on a potty, I had to take over. Just like the time I got my first toolkit, I was very excited to get stuck in. It didn't take long before he was sitting on it without his nappy on. However, he saw it as a game and not for the desired function. Then my mind started thinking. Children imitate. One way or another, he needs to see one of use the potty. I said this out loud and my wife suddenly went quiet.
To be continued...................
My wife shouted to me to come upstairs quickly. Now with a child, when my wife says come quickly, my feet whizz round like a cartoon character and I bang into everything in my way, in anticipation of a life or death situation. When I finally got some traction and ran up the stairs, my wife had my naked son by his arms, and there was poo in the bathroom and in our bedroom. Now if someone had told me that I would have to deal with this as a dad, I would have chilled out more when I was house sharing!
Isaac did this for 2 consecutive days, so we decided some action was needed. Some people (mainly women who I spoke to) have an issue with a potty. They don't like the idea of it. To be honest, when you're dealing with poo, I'm not that excited either. However, Isaac is far too young to sit on the toilet and our immediate problem was preventing this becoming a regular occurence. So after 30 minutes in Mothercare debating which one was suitable, we finally decided on the Thomas potty.
Karen said as she wasn't keen on a potty, I had to take over. Just like the time I got my first toolkit, I was very excited to get stuck in. It didn't take long before he was sitting on it without his nappy on. However, he saw it as a game and not for the desired function. Then my mind started thinking. Children imitate. One way or another, he needs to see one of use the potty. I said this out loud and my wife suddenly went quiet.
To be continued...................
Monday, 9 April 2012
The modern man.
He is metrosexual. He cooks, he cleans, he does the laundry. All of these seem to be what is expected. However, my observation is these are what women expect. Just because he doesn't do any of the these things, doesn't mean he hasn't embraced change. Nowadays, the modern man goes to NCT meetings, and birthing groups. However, the main requirement in my opinion to be classed as a modern man is to be at the birth of your children.
Unless you will create more work for the staff as you may pass out, then you need to be there whether you like it or not. Ladies, take note. If you want a life where your husband shows no interest in the home or your kids, then give your fella a free pass and tell him It's ok to not be at the birth. The precedent has been set so you've only got yourselves to blame if he 'needs' to go down to the pub with his mates all the time. Of course, there are other factors, but this gives fuel to the fire.
When we brought Isaac home from the hospital, my next door neighbour came and congratulated us. He asked if I was at the birth. When I said yes, he said he couldn't do it. This is completely unacceptable to me. Your partner has no choice in the matter, so I think It's only right that the man takes responsibility for his child and supports his wife/partner. It's also good for men as we feel pretty left out of the whole affair. Once the child is born, the man is often lowest in the food chain. So I feel it helps give us men a sense of purpose. I can hear women saying they don't want their man seeing them like that or making things worse. Well this is what a compromise and a relationship is about. Do you think we like all the little boxes you leave around the house? Or the tubes and creams in the bathroom? It can be quite difficult to bond with your child because you haven't carried them around for 9 months developing a relationship along the way. A lot of women report about an immense sense of love for their baby when they are born. I'll be honest. It took me a while before I felt the feeling of love for my Isaac. However, looking back, it started from the day he was born. Guess what, I wasn't alone and IT'S OK!
From my perspective, there are many things I have experienced in my son's life. His first step. His first word. They were special at the time but I've forgotten them now. What I will never forget was his birth. I would give anything to return to that moment and when I first held him with my wife. What makes it more special is the support you give to your wife and the rollercoaster of emotions during labour and the birth. So if you want to be a modern guy, be there with bells on. If your wife swears at you during labour, just smile and say, "yes, you're probably right. I am a ......."
Unless you will create more work for the staff as you may pass out, then you need to be there whether you like it or not. Ladies, take note. If you want a life where your husband shows no interest in the home or your kids, then give your fella a free pass and tell him It's ok to not be at the birth. The precedent has been set so you've only got yourselves to blame if he 'needs' to go down to the pub with his mates all the time. Of course, there are other factors, but this gives fuel to the fire.
When we brought Isaac home from the hospital, my next door neighbour came and congratulated us. He asked if I was at the birth. When I said yes, he said he couldn't do it. This is completely unacceptable to me. Your partner has no choice in the matter, so I think It's only right that the man takes responsibility for his child and supports his wife/partner. It's also good for men as we feel pretty left out of the whole affair. Once the child is born, the man is often lowest in the food chain. So I feel it helps give us men a sense of purpose. I can hear women saying they don't want their man seeing them like that or making things worse. Well this is what a compromise and a relationship is about. Do you think we like all the little boxes you leave around the house? Or the tubes and creams in the bathroom? It can be quite difficult to bond with your child because you haven't carried them around for 9 months developing a relationship along the way. A lot of women report about an immense sense of love for their baby when they are born. I'll be honest. It took me a while before I felt the feeling of love for my Isaac. However, looking back, it started from the day he was born. Guess what, I wasn't alone and IT'S OK!
From my perspective, there are many things I have experienced in my son's life. His first step. His first word. They were special at the time but I've forgotten them now. What I will never forget was his birth. I would give anything to return to that moment and when I first held him with my wife. What makes it more special is the support you give to your wife and the rollercoaster of emotions during labour and the birth. So if you want to be a modern guy, be there with bells on. If your wife swears at you during labour, just smile and say, "yes, you're probably right. I am a ......."
Wednesday, 4 April 2012
The joys of swimming.
Every Monday Karen and I swap. I stay at home with my son. It works well as Karen gets to get out to work and I get to spend time with Isaac. I don't know about you but as a dad, I feel guilty at the time I am not spending with him. My Monday really makes a difference. It takes about 4-6 weeks until you settle into your own routine. It's about the same time that your wife or partner start to trust that you'll not lose or damage your child!
I recently started swimming. Well, I say swimming. It's more like 30 mins of trying to get your child in and out of various outfits. 25 mins hoping he will not fill his waterproof nappy, followed by 20 mins of trauma in a cold swimming pool with the occasional splashing. I think there is a market for a warm swimming pool. As the weeks have progressed, he seems to be cracking the odd smile, in between clutching on to me for dear life. Not sure if we're bonding or he's in survival mode. However, he's getting really good at not playing any of the games, and trying to climb out of the swimming pool. When they create an Olympic event for that, we're in.
I remember the first time we went. I was aware that besides seeing a gaenacoligist, a women in her swimming costume is as vulnerable as it gets. So I didn't know how well received a man would be. I arrived at the leisure centre and there was a queue. For some reason all my concerns hit me at once and I became quite paranoid and started to sweat. My mind talk was saying, "they think you've stolen this child," and "they think you're a pedophile." I think I said "i'm swimming with my son" 8 times and each time I either lost my voice or spoke with a very high voice.
When I got into the pool the other ladies looked slightly uncomfortable. Not in a nasty way. They just aren't used to seeing men in their groups. I'm used to it now. We exchanged pleasantries, then as soon as the class started, they showed their true colours. They all moved with military precision as if they had all studied a class manual beforehand. I was always a second behind and turned left instead of right. I was sure they had special shoes on as I was always an inch from falling over! All that isn't noticed as you get serious kudos from the other mums for trying! Also, mid-week Isaac tends to want his mum more, but after spending most of the weekend with him and Monday, he grows closer to me each time. Kids really appreciate time. I'd thoroughly recommend it.
Chris
I recently started swimming. Well, I say swimming. It's more like 30 mins of trying to get your child in and out of various outfits. 25 mins hoping he will not fill his waterproof nappy, followed by 20 mins of trauma in a cold swimming pool with the occasional splashing. I think there is a market for a warm swimming pool. As the weeks have progressed, he seems to be cracking the odd smile, in between clutching on to me for dear life. Not sure if we're bonding or he's in survival mode. However, he's getting really good at not playing any of the games, and trying to climb out of the swimming pool. When they create an Olympic event for that, we're in.
I remember the first time we went. I was aware that besides seeing a gaenacoligist, a women in her swimming costume is as vulnerable as it gets. So I didn't know how well received a man would be. I arrived at the leisure centre and there was a queue. For some reason all my concerns hit me at once and I became quite paranoid and started to sweat. My mind talk was saying, "they think you've stolen this child," and "they think you're a pedophile." I think I said "i'm swimming with my son" 8 times and each time I either lost my voice or spoke with a very high voice.
When I got into the pool the other ladies looked slightly uncomfortable. Not in a nasty way. They just aren't used to seeing men in their groups. I'm used to it now. We exchanged pleasantries, then as soon as the class started, they showed their true colours. They all moved with military precision as if they had all studied a class manual beforehand. I was always a second behind and turned left instead of right. I was sure they had special shoes on as I was always an inch from falling over! All that isn't noticed as you get serious kudos from the other mums for trying! Also, mid-week Isaac tends to want his mum more, but after spending most of the weekend with him and Monday, he grows closer to me each time. Kids really appreciate time. I'd thoroughly recommend it.
Chris
Monday, 2 April 2012
Calling all the dads.
I wanted to start this blog as for a while now I have heard that dad's just go out to work and leave mum to it. We have a 15 month old and before he was born, we wanted to do things differently. I didn't want to miss out too much on our son's life. Sure, one of us will have to work more than the other but my first priority was to my family, not my job. I love being a personal trainer, however, I am a husband/dad first. It does mean that I am trying to do it all which at times can be tough!!
Now i'm not saying for one second saying that women have it easier than us. Quite the contrary. Both have it tough and for probably the first time in your relationship, you are both looking at life completely differently and will most likely not understand the other person's point view. Add in some sleep deprivation and it can lead to some pretty heated discussions!! The most important thing for me is discussing it and knowing that I am not alone. It is perfectly normal to feel these things admitting you have these feelings shouldn't be a dirty secret! In a group guys would give very little away but once you get them on their own, it all comes out!! Hey, it's our fault because in fitting with Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, we go into our caves instead of talking about problems. It was only when I spoke to men individually, that I found out that we all think the same !!
So i'm calling out all the men. If you have secretly stayed in your car a little longer than you should have before entering the house, or secretly hoped your wife would attend to your crying child at 3am, then get involved and follow my blog. I'll be discussing, the mummy mafia, trophy dads, and baby poker (which is game that mums play when they are comparing the stats of their kids).
Despite the challenges, I wouldn't change this period of my life as I get to spend quality time with my son as he develops and some of the things I have witnessed is free comedy.
Now i'm not saying for one second saying that women have it easier than us. Quite the contrary. Both have it tough and for probably the first time in your relationship, you are both looking at life completely differently and will most likely not understand the other person's point view. Add in some sleep deprivation and it can lead to some pretty heated discussions!! The most important thing for me is discussing it and knowing that I am not alone. It is perfectly normal to feel these things admitting you have these feelings shouldn't be a dirty secret! In a group guys would give very little away but once you get them on their own, it all comes out!! Hey, it's our fault because in fitting with Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, we go into our caves instead of talking about problems. It was only when I spoke to men individually, that I found out that we all think the same !!
So i'm calling out all the men. If you have secretly stayed in your car a little longer than you should have before entering the house, or secretly hoped your wife would attend to your crying child at 3am, then get involved and follow my blog. I'll be discussing, the mummy mafia, trophy dads, and baby poker (which is game that mums play when they are comparing the stats of their kids).
Despite the challenges, I wouldn't change this period of my life as I get to spend quality time with my son as he develops and some of the things I have witnessed is free comedy.
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