Had a good Christmas big fella?

I have spoken to as many women in the last year than probably I have in my entire life. Having a child seems to make it acceptable to just start talking to random people in the supermarket or the high street. Joey and Chandler borrowing Ross's baby springs to mind. However with this 'openness' to connect, comes a bizzare openness to criticise and compare which continually seems to baffle me.

I feel sorry for mums as they have to put up with this all the time. I'm not sure if It's a competitiveness or genuinely trying to help a fellow human being. Most of what is said is completely unecessary and in some cases rude. If a guy said it to another guy, It would get pretty ugly. Is this how women talk to each other? Anyway, here is a list of the main offenders and a comparison to an man saying it to his mate.

Comments about weight. There is a fascination about the birth weight which is mainly a female phenomena for obvious reasons. You want to make sure your garage is big enough for your car if you get my drift. However, the continual comments about your child's weight are just rude. Someone said, "i don't like skinny babies." Another said, "he's quite fat isn't he?" It's like saying to your best mate, "did you have a good Christmas fatty?"

Comments about hair. I'm quite precious about my son's hair. I feel that It's a defining feature of babies from mixed ethnic groups. So when someone asks if we are cutting his hair, I want to throw them like a javelin into ice cold water. Some have even said It's a shame we aren't cutting his hair. I can excuse cultural ignorance, but I would never dream of commenting on my friend's hair or his children's hair. "Martin, you're hair is getting a bit long isn't it? Shame you're not getting it cut." I'd expect to be wearing my dinner.

What your child wears. I'm not that into fashion, so I can't comment on dress sense. However, why would someone take time out of their day to tell you that your child's outfit doesn't match. Imagine me saying, "Hi Martin, what are those socks about?"

Baby development. It's hotter than the race to white house. People want to know if your child is talking, reading, jumping.....I make it up. I'll say he is already reciting poetry. The joke sometimes is taken well but mostly I'm a man who "is taking the micky". On a more serious note, how do you know the child hasn't got learning difficulties?

Is he a good boy? "No he isn't, I'm thinking of giving him back." Again, people will think I'm being pedantic. I don't care if he's good or bad. I'll love him either way. Also,are we labelling our kids a bit too early? It's mainly older people who say this. The same who still refer to me as 'coloured' or 'negroid' so I don't really take it too seriously.

I know people will say this is what everyone talks about so get over yourself. However, I have seen and spoken to women who don't like all these probing questions. Their child could be big for their age. They may have a problem eating so will be under weight. They may have learning difficulties. The mother may be suffering from depression..... My perspective is I just wouldn't ask because sometimes it is rude and quite insensitive. I also don't know why you want to know. Probably only 1 man has ever asked me one of these questions. Particularly weight. It doesn't bother me, as I have a thick skin, but I bet some mums get annoyed off with it. I wonder what would happen if the ladies got a different reaction? Some women are quite caring when they ask, but there are others who seem to want to compare. Or they are dying to say their child has already done what yours has done, or better. Ladies, you do a great job. Please stop comparing your child to mine. He's obviously better than yours because I'm his dad!