Goodbye empathy.

Conversations have a different feel to what they used to before I became a parent. I would often feel a sense of empathy when others relayed their current problems. I still do for most things except when people tell me they are tired or busy. I would previously reply, "that's a shame." I would genuinely feel the other person's pain. Now It's a different story.

I think we need to get the white elephant out of the room. When you become a parent, you will most likely lose more sleep than you would at any other time of your life. It's not scheduled sleep loss either which is what makes it worse. Imagine going to sleep and there is someone standing over you with a bucket of ice cold water. They will throw it over you at some point in the night. You just don't know when. I've done early starts for work before but nothing comes to close to the sleepless nights you can get with a child. We were quite fortunate that our son liked to sleep. However when the teeth kick in or they have a cold, the bucket of water is thrown over you 2,3, or even 4 times per night. Sometimes as soon as the duvet touches your chin. It is all part of the fun though. Or so I am told!

So when you've spent months, sometimes years walking around in a permanent daze. Or been too busy or too tired scratch your child's food stain from your clothes (don't tell me I'm the only one who does this) hearing how tired or busy people without kids are has a different ring to it. Sometimes I have a complete loss of empathy and start narrating in my head while they are talking. Mostly I narrate a scene from pulp fiction which all have a gruesome ending. In one case, a friend said he doesn't do being tired. He hadn't had his normal 9 hours. He then said he didn't understand how I could be so tired if my son goes to sleep at 7:30 and mostly wakes up at 6:30. I can hear the pulp fiction music start.

Then you have the "very busy" crew. I often hear people trying to "out busy" each other in conversation (it's funny when you get two tired parents trying to out do each other). Well a parent will match how busy you are and then raise it by a factor of 50. A friend of mine used to chuckle when I used to say I was busy or tired. He has 2 kids and was in the middle of severe sleepless nights. When I hear someone who hasn't got kids try to convince me they are very busy, I recall an episode of Tom and Jerry where a character turns red with rage as his head swells and Tom can't get away quick enough. If you haven't got kids, I wouldn't mention how busy or how tired you are to parents. Otherwise you may see how the cartoon ends.

I apologise if this sounds like a whinge. I'm aware that this is all some parents talk about. I also know there are people out there who are genuinely tired and busy without kids. However, I thought I was busy and tired before I was blessed with Isaac. It now makes me realise I didn't really appreciate how good I had it!  You'll be pleased to know, I'm trying to find my empathy. Worst case scenario is I'll open my eyes as wide as I can, tilt my head to the side and say, "you poor thing" as I simulate it!