Great news.

Hi, it's been a while since my last post. My son has started nursery. His speech and sense of humour have come and he his latest trick is to come into our bedroom, slap me really hard and say, "get up daddy." Although, as it isn't that clear, he could be saying, "Where's P-Diddy?"

Earlier in the year we went camping. I didn't blog about this as on the way back, our friends were involved in a serious car accident. Our friend was left with a broken neck. His partner had to have her arm pinned and their son had to have surgery to his face. It didn't leave me wanting to talk much about the camping as it didn't really leave a great experience in our mind. I can still remember saying to him, "I will see you in a few hours," only for them to not make it home for some time.

However, we are pleased to say that they are all on the mend. He has had his neck brace removed and is walking fine. As part of his rehab I HAD to take him to watch The Dark Knight Rises. It was a SHEER coincidence that it was a film we both wanted to watch and our partners didn't. Even better news is that yesterday his partner gave birth to twins. It must have been awful to not have been able to hold his son for months, so now he has 3 kids, he'll be making up for it!

This experience taught me a few things. Do you remember at school when you asked someone to be your friend or best friend? We don't need to ask whether we are friends as adults. We automatically become friends through our connections and shared experiences. Obviously we aren't kids anymore, but I think we can take for granted the connections we make. We didn't realise how much we cared for our friends until they were in trouble. So we will not take it for granted again. Whether you meet people through NTC or birthing groups, connections are important.

So the camping blog will be up shortly as it was an interesting experience!

Once you become a parent...

It's great fun being a dad. You're the punch bag, climbing frame and the human dustbin at mealtimes. However, Now I have started on a new role....the parent. It has been coming for a while, but there has been a definite shift in my mindset recently. This may seem like an obvious thing to most. You're a parent as soon as your child is born. That is true, but you don't start actual parenting until your child starts to realise that they have the ability to do whatever they want and at any time!!

First it starts with a finger up the nose. Then it is maybe a finger up your nose. They start then to explore, push the boundaries then comes the words I heard a lot when I was younger, "NO!". When you start saying 'no' with more regularity and you are met with more resistance, parenting has begun. You are setting boundaries, they are pushing them. You then have the public meltdown where your child spins round and sprawls on the floor in floods on tears. Usually somewhere public too. You feel the embarrassment but don't want to let them know that they've got your attention, at the same time removing them from the scene as quickly as possible. Another is the side hold, whereby you have your child across your body with legs and arms thrashing like a seal being attacked by a killer whale.

For me it felt that I was always telling my son off. It wasn't actually the case. It was just I wasn't the fun dad 24/7 anymore. Isaac seems to like some parenting though. He obviously doesn't like the part where he can't do what he wants. But he likes the challenge of trying to and he seems to like making up afterwards. So I'm slowly embracing my new role. Nurturing him without always chastising him. Giving boundaries without clipping his wings. What I am realising is what they actually want isn't always that bad. In one case, Isaac screamed trying to get a door open. When it was opened, he just wanted to stand the other side of it. Once he satisfied his curiosity, he gave up being a pain in the bum about not getting his own way. So every now and then, I pretend he's having his own way! (anyone got a decoy remote control?)

Everyday I have more respect for my parents.

Don't become my client.

Being a dad is great fun. You can come out with cliche comments such as, "money doesn't grow on trees." You become frozen in time with technology and you now fall asleep on the couch with your mouth open. However, these joyous attributes do come with a price. You can start to get slightly porkier around your mid section. As a personal trainer, I was slightly surprised at this, but I think it is inevitable and here is why.

Sleep is massively affected when you become a dad. For most people, you burn a higher proportion of fat when you sleep than any other time of the day.

The proportion of macro nutrients changes. This is the level of proteins, fats and carbohydrates that you currently eat. Without knowing, you will most likely be consuming more fat, sugar and carbs than you did previously. How? You will be eating more food on the go for a quick burst of energy.

The amount of good quality protein will go down. Good sources of protein (free range chicken) tend to have more Omega 3. Omega 3 is useful for fat burning.

You may start to have an extra glass of wine to 'take the edge off' the day's activities. Over a week or month, it adds up. Especially if your body isn't burning fat as well as it used to.

You're getting older. Your body and metabolism is probably different to when you were in your early 20's. Different meaning you will get fatter, quicker.

Bad posture. Your core will weaken due to poor posture adopted when sitting, slouching and carrying your kids.

The thing is to not beat yourself up about it. Even elite level athletes have porky times of the year. The important thing is to recognise it as a temporary state. Once it becomes the norm, you will become one of my clients 5 years from now. This isn't just about vanity. It is also about overall health and also the health of your back. Most of the dads I speak to have back issues which are either caused by carrying kids or brought on by them.

Here is a quick guide to managing your dad belly.


Get a regular food shop which doesn't involve buying too much crisps and sweets. Think about it. You will most likely eat nearly everything you buy. If you or your partner stays or home, you will graze on anything that is quick and most likely sugary. Get your food delivered and plan some meals in advance. Start with a Sunday dinner, breakfasts, healthy snacks and a few main meals.

Don't eat cereals everyday. Start having a couple of boiled eggs, a few pieces of fruit and a small handful of nuts for breakfast.

Once a week have a late breakfast if your're not hungry. Sometimes your appetite will be off so if you have been doing the night shift or just don't feel like eating, don't.

Try to up the amount of fruit and vegetables you have. Your immune system will get run down quite quickly and you will pick up bugs very easily. Try to eat some green veg twice a day. Maybe even consider getting your blender out and making your own juices.

Keep your exercise sessions short. 20 minutes is enough at this stage. Circuits are ideal or a mixture of weights and cardio. Aim for something 3 times a week.

Keep the coffee and croissants to a minimum. Coffee + pastry = getting fat really quickly. The coffee shop phenomena is what fuels the health and fitness industry. As long as there are mums eating croissants and drinking coffee, gyms and trainers will always be in business.

The important thing is to have enough energy for your family, so busting your backside for hours in the gym or on the streets isn't wise in my opinion. So for the first 6 weeks, wear your dad belly with pride. Settle into a routine and start with some short sharp workouts. A word of caution though. Your partner will start to feel self conscious about her body shape changing so don't talk about your own training too much. Just get on with it and help out by doing some food planning. At least let her know if you will not be back for dinner. Remember, this is more than vanity. If your kids see you being healthy, they are most likely to be healthy themselves.

Have fun!

Don't tell mummy.

I remember the first time my wife left me with my son. Flapping was an understatement. I knew that I would figure things out eventually. What I didn't anticipate was how many little things that I wasn't aware of that only she knew. As in life, it is the little things that make a difference.

As far as I was concerned, mums didn't make mistakes. They get things right with military precision. They always know what is inside each bag and they have back up for any contingency. In fact, when my wife asked me to pack the bag, the size and weight difference between when she packs it and my packing told the story itself. Well, after being a SAHD for over a year, I have found out that it isn't as it appears. What they don't tell you is that they acquired this knowledge from trial and error. They even made some mistakes themselves and shared these stories with other mums. The feeling of being as useful as a dry wet wipe was all self-imposed! The bags I now pack for Isaac are much bigger and I now think about the 'what ifs'. However, along the way, I have had some 'don't tell mummy' moments. Here are mine, feel free to add to them.

- Forgot to pack nappies when taking him swimming and been too embarrassed to ask other mums for a spare one. So you stuff towels in the car seat and hope for the best.
- Misunderstood your wife's instructions and forgot to feed him in the evening.
- Dressed him in his pajamas during the day thinking they were just cool clothes.
- Been too traumatised to take him out so watched telly all day.
- Didn't pack his bag with essentials so when another mum asked where his bag was, you said you forgot it when actually you didn't know what she was talking about.
-Been so impressed with his throwing skills, you watched him throw things inside that he really shouldn't be throwing.
-Completely abandoned the 'routine' because it was too much hard work.
-Left him happily watching the washing machine instead of taking him out to the park.

As my wife doesn't yet know about all of these, I realise that I am digging my own grave as we speak. If this is to be my eulogy, it has been nice knowing your all!

Superman at the ready!

Before I had my son. Coming home was a pretty chilled out affair. It often involved relaxing for about 20 minutes while I processed the day. I would maybe read a book, watch a bit of telly, or chat with my wife. How things change! Now as soon as you walk through the door, I'm realising that you need to be superhero for your family and kids.

When I first became a dad, I didn't quite understand the concept of transforming into Superman as soon as you walk through the door. In fairness, as my son didn't move around that much, it was slightly easier. However, compare it to a few days ago where as soon as my key went in the door, I could hear the patter of little feet running to greet me. I then spent about 10 minutes going up and down the stairs with my son and his ball, then playing the kangaroo game, horsey game and finishing with running into daddy's groin as fast and hard as you can. Trust me as painful as it sounds, it is all good fun. My only wish is that like Superman, I was impervious to flying toys and the occasional headbutts from my son.

The point being is that it is another step down the selfless pathway that is in essence what parenthood is mainly about. Being tired isn't important and as you continue on your journey, you pay less attention to it. Your kids think you are a superhero and can't wait to see you. As soon as you step into your home, be ready to be Superman until they go to bed. Your kids have incredibly long memories about the games you play with them. The more you play them, the more you bond with them. Your partner on a good day welcomes the break and company. On a bad day, they are desperate for you to take over. It is important that you save something for your family and your kids. You don't want to see it as a task to play with your kids. As a good friend of mine said, "kids want presence, not more presents. "

Fun in the pool.

You may have heard in previous blogs that my Monday SAHD day starts with a swimming lesson. I use the word lesson, loosely as it involves 20 minutes of Issac clinging on to me for dear life. We finally worked out that he (just like his daddy) hates cold water. For several weeks now we have been wondering whether he is getting anything out of his swimming other than getting used to the water. I could do this in the bathtub instead.

However, for the first time, he seemed to enjoy himself. He threw the toys in the pool and wanted to get in. Initially, he was worried about the cold temperature (as was his daddy) but when he got used to the temperature, he splashed and made a few gestures with his hands which could have been mistaken for some kind kind of swimming stroke. I think the main difference is that he seems more like himself in the water and is able to try things, instead of looking like he is in a cocoon of fear.

The interesting thing though is the other mums talk to their kids in a way so that you hear their good intentions. "Kate, why aren't you doing the front crawl like I've asked you?" Well one reason is despite the obvious intelligence of our little ones, they are still wearing nappies. This suggests to me that we maybe they are still learning. A second reason is that they don't yet fully understand what we want them to do. I'm sure that I appear to not care about pushing my son. However, this is far from the case. As this is my area of expertise and my job, the important thing is to measure progression, not general ability, especially at this age. Well at any age. Each week he makes small improvements. All I need to do is to not project my issues/demands onto him. It was hard at the start to not be embarrassed when he doesn't do what the other kids are doing. However, once you accept that it's his journey and not yours, you soon get over it and let them enjoy the moment. At the end of the day, we are talking about a 19 month old!!

Cheer up grumpy pants

We had a birthday party bonanza last weekend. 1 on the Saturday and 1 on the Sunday. I was really looking forward to seeing friends that we hadn't seen for a while. The first was across London, which is a journey only a truly sadistic individual will enjoy. When we got there, the party had all the elements for a great day. However, I felt a certain level of discomfort which made me appear grumpy. The second was round the corner and I thought that the reduced travel time would allow me to relax more. It did to a certain extent yet I still at times felt the same level of discomfort and I think I have figured out why.

Firstly, it has nothing to do with the party or the hosts. They were both lovely parties. It is to do with my primary role for the day. As a dad, I have to some degree surrendered the desire to enjoy myself in an activity. I would never voluntarily suggest going to a party with my son. It just never enters my mind. So long as my son and wife are happy, then I am happy. I could be sitting on a bed of nails or having my chest waxed ( I'll tell you about that another time). If my son is giggling and my wife is happy, it was worth it. I used to see dads at parties and wonder why they were so miserable, but now I get it. They aren't there primarily to enjoy themselves whereas your partner or wife hopes they will enjoy some part of the day for themselves.

Here is another thing my wife pointed out. When she is out with our son and he gets fractious, the other mums are mostly understanding and they carry on with business. When a dad is out with his child and they start getting fractious, they want to pick their child up and run as far away as possible. I think I initially used think "aaahhh, I've broken him" during one of my son's 'moments'. One time I ran off in the middle of saying, "I need to tell you something really important." It is my instant reaction to remove my son from his current environment when he kicks off. I saw a couple of dads at one party slowly lose it which culminated in one saying to his son who was dressed like a lion, "for the last time stop roaring, we're going home."

Our friend experienced the same thing on Sunday. She could only relax when the cake and everything else had been done. So it isn't really a male thing. I just notice that more dads are like this as they probably don't socialise with other parents as much as mums do. So the next time you want to say "cheer up grumpy pants" to a dad, just remember that somewhere (sometimes very deep inside) he is having a good time.

Stabbed in the back.

Today was swimming/clinging day with Isaac. I'm getting used to the familiar faces at the pool. I'm getting even more familiar with the etiquette of not making conversation with women in her swimming costume. Unknown to me, a conversation should only last 2 levels. Question and answer. Never even dream of elaborating on what you have just said otherwise you will get the "i'm really not interested and I really have to go" look as the mum uses their child as an excuse to get away as if their child is playing with a samurai sword left by the pool side. I joke but I am guilty of this too.

So today I was determined to get there early. I am already known as the late dad and have decided to break the habit by getting there early. Isaac seemed to settle down more and there was the smallest improvement from last week. Even though he benefited from our better time keeping, I can't use him as my reasoning for wanting to be early. It was purely to prove to myself and the other mums that I can get there on time. I would say this is true for others too.

So all through the class I was humming "I was early " in the tune of Frere Jacques and karma decided to exact revenge while in the pool and I noticed that my locker key had come off. I looked around and couldn't see it. I knew it would be near as the kids hardly create a wake with their paddling and it is a shallow pool. The teacher noticed I was even less coordinated than usual and asked if I was ok. I said I dropped my key and another women said "Oh it's here. I noticed it earlier and......" I'm still waiting for the end of the sentence. At that point, the other mums glided away in perfect formation like a team of synchronised swimmers and left one of their own to explain her actions. I got the feeling that the other mums saw the key too and avoided it as if it were green kryptonite. Then she said "sorry, you'll have to go and get it. I don't want to get my hair wet." She moved back in line with the others and I picked it up with my foot. This was a mum who I and my wife knew before swimming. I thought at the very least she would stick together when times got tough. It was difficult to get changed with the knife still stuck in my back but at least I know where I stand now. I now know two things about mums at the pool. Firstly, It always bothered me how women appeared to look like they had suckers on the underside of their feet in the pool, while I was slipping all over the place. Now I know they were working furiously beneath the surface to prevent their hair from getting wet. Secondly, the changing room floor is so dry because mums don't shower after they swim as they don't want to get their hair wet.

Things only parents do.

This is a quick list of the strange behaviours I have adopted since becoming a parent. You may have your own. Feel free to add to the list.

1. Thought about or actually showered in the dark for fear of waking children.
2. Moved everything up out of your young child's reach so you now have a million things in one place.
3. Used a turkey baster to wedge a door shut. That's just me!
4. Scratched your clothes clean.
5. Been asked to repeat something you said, only to have forgotten it because you're tired.
6. Made lists to remind yourself to not forget something, then lose the note.
7. Only drink cold tea.
8. Eat standing up.
9. Get used to the smell of kid's poo.
10. Keep smelling kid's poo long after you have changed the nappy.
11. Overslept, making you late for work and thought it was totally worth it.
12. Laugh when your child sneezed in your face.
13. Know the characters to at least 3 kids shows.
14. Not showered until after 12.
15. Sometimes thinking about not showering as you think it takes up too much time.
16. Sitting down on the toilet and saying, " Aaaaaahhhhh"
17. Answered the door without makeup or barely clothed.
18. Either been punched in the boob or kicked in the crotch.
19. Watch a dvd in no less than 3 attempts.
20. Crept around the house as if it had been boobytrapped with IUDs.

Tag Teams.

If anyone has ever watched WWE (formerly WWF) they will have seen a tag team in action. A well choreographed match will involve one of the teams taking a serious beating and left on the brink of defeat. You think It's all over for them but as they tag in their partner, the momentum swings back to them. They usually go on to win the match. Or you have the other scenario where the opposing tag team are arguing which is then exploited by the other team and they steal the win. The parallels between this and being a parent are surreal.

When you are up 4 times in the night, it starts to wear you down. You try to talk yourself into staying strong, but the mind talk takes over and you sometimes fall prey to your emotions. You want to scream and shout but it doesn't make any difference to your child. Screaming may bring a brief rest bite from their tears.  However, their look of disbelief that YOU have lost your temper soon makes you realise that it hasn't helped the situation. What does help is being part of a tag team. My wife told me on several occasions she felt like like the the partner who really needed to tag out to get some recovery.

The first time I was tagged in, in hindsight,it was too late. Now I can spot the signs and where possible tag in a bit sooner. Guys, no matter how early you have to get up for work or whatever, you need to be ready to tag in. I never realised how much the short break to refresh yourself was needed until I did night shifts. I really respect single parents as just knowing my wife was available when I did the night shift was a great comfort.

A note of caution. Your opponent isn't your child or children. The true opponent is your perception of what is happening. Your young child isn't thinking "i'm going to cry all night to annoy my parents." They don't know how long or hard your day has been. This may annoy some parents but the truth is it isn't the end of the world that they are crying all the time. However, your mind tells you it is. It's important to try to separate truth/fact from our thoughts as they will and often lie to us.  Sometimes I've got into a train of bad thoughts and catastrophise about how tired I'll be in the morning. Instead of just getting on with the task at hand and seeing what happens. Tagging in your partner can break that cycle and give you some space to think. Second note of caution. Most tag teams end up arguing as they think one partner does all the work while the other takes the victory. It's always important to remind your bruised and battered partner that It's team work. Never feel you deserve the high 5 after settling your child after a few minutes when your partner has been at it for hours. It's the sum of all the parts that create success, not the individual.

Turn the phone off!

I was chatting to a client about spending quality time with my son and how I don't want to miss these years in the name of staying busy. He agreed and said a friend of his was waiting for the day when he would find the time to spend with his son. Last week his son said he was moving out. He felt he had missed all of the 18 years of his son's life. This is real worry of mine and I decided to write this blog.

When you work all day and come home to your family, It's pretty difficult to switch off. My wife could be talking to me and there's only 25% of me listening. Even though this may be classed as a skill which most husbands need, as a dad, my mind is racing with all sorts of thoughts. Sometimes, I need to write a note to not forget to do my to do list.

More recently, I have noticed that I'm not as present when my son is having his dinner. I'm checking the phone, maybe replying to e-mails. Things which could wait and may seem fairly innocuous to most. However, I'm choosing to use the precious time I could be spending with my son on other things. I even caught myself replying to a message while my son was in the bath. The more I thought about it, I didn't like it one bit. I want to know that there is time each day set aside for quality time with the family. Otherwise bad habits form and you can feel resentful that your family is dragging you away from things that need doing (which actually don't need doing at that particular moment).

So I have decided to turn my phone off from the time I get in until my son goes to bed. It's only 2 1/2 hours, but it is quality time I can't get back. Kids will go through the phase where they will not want to be around their parents so I need to enjoy this time as much as possible. Day 1 done and it felt so much more relaxing than normal. I'm just a husband and dad for a few hours and I allowed myself to relax too. There was no emergency which needed me to use my phone. No one needed a quick training tip. I'd got into a bad habit and as the internet or your e-mail is so accessible, it is easy to make yourself busy. I also don't like knowing I 'need' my phone.

Even though half of the time Isaac was running around and trying to poke my eyes out, he seemed to like having his daddy there. I think my wife appreciated the extra support too. I'll endeavour to make this a regular habit. Life's too short and I don't want to think I wasted valuable time checking e-mails or Facebook instead of connecting with my son.

Goodbye empathy.

Conversations have a different feel to what they used to before I became a parent. I would often feel a sense of empathy when others relayed their current problems. I still do for most things except when people tell me they are tired or busy. I would previously reply, "that's a shame." I would genuinely feel the other person's pain. Now It's a different story.

I think we need to get the white elephant out of the room. When you become a parent, you will most likely lose more sleep than you would at any other time of your life. It's not scheduled sleep loss either which is what makes it worse. Imagine going to sleep and there is someone standing over you with a bucket of ice cold water. They will throw it over you at some point in the night. You just don't know when. I've done early starts for work before but nothing comes to close to the sleepless nights you can get with a child. We were quite fortunate that our son liked to sleep. However when the teeth kick in or they have a cold, the bucket of water is thrown over you 2,3, or even 4 times per night. Sometimes as soon as the duvet touches your chin. It is all part of the fun though. Or so I am told!

So when you've spent months, sometimes years walking around in a permanent daze. Or been too busy or too tired scratch your child's food stain from your clothes (don't tell me I'm the only one who does this) hearing how tired or busy people without kids are has a different ring to it. Sometimes I have a complete loss of empathy and start narrating in my head while they are talking. Mostly I narrate a scene from pulp fiction which all have a gruesome ending. In one case, a friend said he doesn't do being tired. He hadn't had his normal 9 hours. He then said he didn't understand how I could be so tired if my son goes to sleep at 7:30 and mostly wakes up at 6:30. I can hear the pulp fiction music start.

Then you have the "very busy" crew. I often hear people trying to "out busy" each other in conversation (it's funny when you get two tired parents trying to out do each other). Well a parent will match how busy you are and then raise it by a factor of 50. A friend of mine used to chuckle when I used to say I was busy or tired. He has 2 kids and was in the middle of severe sleepless nights. When I hear someone who hasn't got kids try to convince me they are very busy, I recall an episode of Tom and Jerry where a character turns red with rage as his head swells and Tom can't get away quick enough. If you haven't got kids, I wouldn't mention how busy or how tired you are to parents. Otherwise you may see how the cartoon ends.

I apologise if this sounds like a whinge. I'm aware that this is all some parents talk about. I also know there are people out there who are genuinely tired and busy without kids. However, I thought I was busy and tired before I was blessed with Isaac. It now makes me realise I didn't really appreciate how good I had it!  You'll be pleased to know, I'm trying to find my empathy. Worst case scenario is I'll open my eyes as wide as I can, tilt my head to the side and say, "you poor thing" as I simulate it!

The checkout lady's daughter at the supermarket is having a baby.

The first time Karen left me alone all day with Isaac, she was noticeably anxious and repeatedly asked if I'd be ok. I find there's no better way to boost someone's confidence than by continually asking them if they are ok, or if they will 'manage'. Eventually Karen left and after the 7th text, I settled into my new Monday role. The first 6 weeks, was pure survival. I had a list of things to do and places to go. I was lucky to get 1 thing done! My wife didn't tell me this. You have to completely let go of what you want to do. I didn't really want to go out as it was too much to think about. Eventually I did and I felt like Roger Bannister breaking the 4 mins mile record. Now I'm out and about at kid's groups and even venture up to the high street. However I'm starting to notice a startling similarity to my wife. I've started to chew my wife's ear off with ridiculous gossip which I've picked up. It could be the checkout lady's daughter at the supermarket is having a baby. Or something else completely random! Whenever Karen did this to me, I couldn't understand it. She is equally as uninterested in my gossip as I am after a long day. As you don't have many adult conversations when you spend all day with a child, it picks up on the most ridiculous information. So my strategy is as soon as I start to feel I'm being drawn in, I say I have to get Isaac home for his sleep! Keep conversations short and sweet guys. Otherwise you will become that person you try to avoid in the street.

Had a good Christmas big fella?

I have spoken to as many women in the last year than probably I have in my entire life. Having a child seems to make it acceptable to just start talking to random people in the supermarket or the high street. Joey and Chandler borrowing Ross's baby springs to mind. However with this 'openness' to connect, comes a bizzare openness to criticise and compare which continually seems to baffle me.

I feel sorry for mums as they have to put up with this all the time. I'm not sure if It's a competitiveness or genuinely trying to help a fellow human being. Most of what is said is completely unecessary and in some cases rude. If a guy said it to another guy, It would get pretty ugly. Is this how women talk to each other? Anyway, here is a list of the main offenders and a comparison to an man saying it to his mate.

Comments about weight. There is a fascination about the birth weight which is mainly a female phenomena for obvious reasons. You want to make sure your garage is big enough for your car if you get my drift. However, the continual comments about your child's weight are just rude. Someone said, "i don't like skinny babies." Another said, "he's quite fat isn't he?" It's like saying to your best mate, "did you have a good Christmas fatty?"

Comments about hair. I'm quite precious about my son's hair. I feel that It's a defining feature of babies from mixed ethnic groups. So when someone asks if we are cutting his hair, I want to throw them like a javelin into ice cold water. Some have even said It's a shame we aren't cutting his hair. I can excuse cultural ignorance, but I would never dream of commenting on my friend's hair or his children's hair. "Martin, you're hair is getting a bit long isn't it? Shame you're not getting it cut." I'd expect to be wearing my dinner.

What your child wears. I'm not that into fashion, so I can't comment on dress sense. However, why would someone take time out of their day to tell you that your child's outfit doesn't match. Imagine me saying, "Hi Martin, what are those socks about?"

Baby development. It's hotter than the race to white house. People want to know if your child is talking, reading, jumping.....I make it up. I'll say he is already reciting poetry. The joke sometimes is taken well but mostly I'm a man who "is taking the micky". On a more serious note, how do you know the child hasn't got learning difficulties?

Is he a good boy? "No he isn't, I'm thinking of giving him back." Again, people will think I'm being pedantic. I don't care if he's good or bad. I'll love him either way. Also,are we labelling our kids a bit too early? It's mainly older people who say this. The same who still refer to me as 'coloured' or 'negroid' so I don't really take it too seriously.

I know people will say this is what everyone talks about so get over yourself. However, I have seen and spoken to women who don't like all these probing questions. Their child could be big for their age. They may have a problem eating so will be under weight. They may have learning difficulties. The mother may be suffering from depression..... My perspective is I just wouldn't ask because sometimes it is rude and quite insensitive. I also don't know why you want to know. Probably only 1 man has ever asked me one of these questions. Particularly weight. It doesn't bother me, as I have a thick skin, but I bet some mums get annoyed off with it. I wonder what would happen if the ladies got a different reaction? Some women are quite caring when they ask, but there are others who seem to want to compare. Or they are dying to say their child has already done what yours has done, or better. Ladies, you do a great job. Please stop comparing your child to mine. He's obviously better than yours because I'm his dad!

Fun with the potty.

I remember the days when we were house proud. We took our shoes off in our home and were rarely spilt anything on the floor. We are mostly like that now but a little incident has given us a different perspective.

My wife shouted to me to come upstairs quickly. Now with a child, when my wife says come quickly, my feet whizz round like a cartoon character and I bang into everything in my way, in anticipation of a life or death situation. When I finally got some traction and ran up the stairs, my wife had my naked son by his arms, and there was poo in the bathroom and in our bedroom. Now if someone had told me that I would have to deal with this as a dad, I would have chilled out more when I was house sharing!

Isaac did this for 2 consecutive days, so we decided some action was needed. Some people (mainly women who I spoke to) have an issue with a potty. They don't like the idea of it. To be honest, when you're dealing with poo, I'm not that excited either. However, Isaac is far too young to sit on the toilet and our immediate problem was preventing this becoming a regular occurence. So after 30 minutes in Mothercare debating which one was suitable, we finally decided on the Thomas potty.

Karen said as she wasn't keen on a potty, I had to take over. Just like the time I got my first toolkit, I was very excited to get stuck in. It didn't take long before he was sitting on it without his nappy on. However, he saw it as a game and not for the desired function. Then my mind started thinking. Children imitate. One way or another, he needs to see one of use the potty. I said this out loud and my wife suddenly went quiet.

To be continued...................

The modern man.

He is metrosexual. He cooks, he cleans, he does the laundry. All of these seem to be what is expected. However, my observation is these are what women expect. Just because he doesn't do any of the these things, doesn't mean he hasn't embraced change. Nowadays, the modern man goes to NCT meetings, and birthing groups. However, the main requirement in my opinion to be classed as a modern man is to be at the birth of your children.

Unless you will create more work for the staff as you may pass out, then you need to be there whether you like it or not. Ladies, take note. If you want a life where your husband shows no interest in the home or your kids, then give your fella a free pass and tell him It's ok to not be at the birth. The precedent has been set so you've only got yourselves to blame if he 'needs' to go down to the pub with his mates all the time. Of course, there are other factors, but this gives fuel to the fire. 

When we brought Isaac home from the hospital, my next door neighbour came and congratulated us. He asked if I was at the birth. When I said yes, he said he couldn't do it. This is completely unacceptable to me. Your partner has no choice in the matter, so I think It's only right that the man takes responsibility for his child and supports his wife/partner. It's also good for men as we feel pretty left out of the whole affair. Once the child is born, the man is often lowest in the food chain. So I feel it helps give us men a sense of purpose. I can hear women saying they don't want their man seeing them like that or making things worse. Well this is what a compromise and a relationship is about. Do you think we like all the little boxes you leave around the house? Or the tubes and creams in the bathroom? It can be quite difficult to bond with your child because you haven't carried them around for 9 months developing a relationship along the way. A lot of women report about an immense sense of love for their baby when they are born. I'll be honest. It took me a while before I felt the feeling of love for my Isaac. However, looking back, it started from the day he was born. Guess what, I wasn't alone and IT'S OK!

From my perspective, there are many things I have experienced in my son's life. His first step. His first word. They were special at the time but I've forgotten them now. What I will never forget was his birth. I would give anything to return to that moment and when I first held him with my wife. What makes it more special is the support you give to your wife and the rollercoaster of emotions during labour and the birth. So if you want to be a modern guy, be there with bells on. If your wife swears at you during labour, just smile and say, "yes, you're probably right. I am a ......."

The joys of swimming.

Every Monday Karen and I swap. I stay at home with my son. It works well as Karen gets to get out to work and I get to spend time with Isaac. I don't know about you but as a dad, I feel guilty at the time I am not spending with him. My Monday really makes a difference.  It takes about 4-6 weeks until you settle into your own routine. It's about the same time that your wife or partner start to trust that you'll not lose or damage your child!

I recently started swimming. Well, I say swimming. It's more like 30 mins of trying to get your child in and out of various outfits. 25 mins hoping he will not fill his waterproof nappy, followed by 20 mins of trauma in a cold swimming pool with the occasional splashing. I think there is a market for a warm swimming pool. As the weeks have progressed, he seems to be cracking the odd smile, in between clutching on to me for dear life. Not sure if we're bonding or he's in survival mode. However, he's getting really good at not playing any of the games, and trying to climb out of the swimming pool. When they create an Olympic event for that, we're in.

I remember the first time we went. I was aware that besides seeing a gaenacoligist, a women in her swimming costume is as vulnerable as it gets. So I didn't know how well received a man would be. I arrived at the leisure centre and there was a queue. For some reason all my concerns hit me at once and I became quite paranoid and started to sweat. My mind talk was saying, "they think you've stolen this child," and "they think you're a pedophile." I think I said "i'm swimming with my son" 8 times and each time I either lost my voice or spoke with a very high voice.

When I got into the pool the other ladies looked slightly uncomfortable. Not in a nasty way. They just aren't used to seeing men in their groups. I'm used to it now. We exchanged pleasantries, then as soon as the class started, they showed their true colours. They all moved with military precision as if they had all studied a class manual beforehand. I was always a second behind and turned left instead of right.  I was sure they had special shoes on as I was always an inch from falling over! All that isn't noticed as you get serious kudos from the other mums for trying! Also, mid-week Isaac tends to want his mum more, but after spending most of the weekend with him and Monday, he grows closer to me each time. Kids really appreciate time. I'd thoroughly recommend it.

Chris

Calling all the dads.

I wanted to start this blog as for a while now I have heard that dad's just go out to work and leave mum to it. We have a 15 month old and before he was born, we wanted to do things differently. I didn't want to miss out too much on our son's life. Sure, one of us will have to work more than the other but my first priority was to my family, not my job. I love being a personal trainer, however, I am a husband/dad first. It does mean that I am trying to do it all which at times can be tough!!

Now i'm not saying for one second saying that women have it easier than us. Quite the contrary. Both have it tough and for probably the first time in your relationship, you are both looking at life completely differently and will most likely not understand the other person's point view. Add in some sleep deprivation and it can lead to some pretty heated discussions!! The most important thing for me is discussing it and knowing that I am not alone. It is perfectly normal to feel these things admitting you have these feelings shouldn't be a dirty secret! In a group guys would give very little away but once you get them on their own, it all comes out!! Hey, it's our fault because in fitting with Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, we go into our caves instead of talking about problems. It was only when I spoke to men individually, that I found out that we all think the same !!

So i'm calling out all the men. If you have secretly stayed in your car a little longer than you should have before entering the house, or secretly hoped your wife would attend to your crying child at 3am, then get involved and follow my blog. I'll be discussing, the mummy mafia, trophy dads, and baby poker (which is game that mums play when they are comparing the stats of their kids).

Despite the challenges, I wouldn't change this period of my life as I get to spend quality time with my son as he develops and some of the things I have witnessed is free comedy.